Writer's Block
by Quing
Summary: What happens when the X-Men try to write a comic book? ONE-SHOT.


DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE X-MEN.

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Bobby sat at the table, trying to come up with an idea.

"Damn, this is hard." He threw the pencil up in the air, and it stuck to the ceiling.

"Not again" he went to get another pencil as Piotr Rasputin, aka Colossus, walked in.

"Good day, comrade. may I ask vhat you are doink?"

"Hey, Petey. Just trying to write a comic book. But its really hard to think of ideas. It's not like they're falling from the sky or anything."

Just then, Kitty Pryde phased through the ceiling, landing with a thud on the table.

"Did I hear that you were writing? I like, totally LOVE writing!"

"Yeah, I'm writing a comic book. About superheroes."

"That, like, totally kicks ass! And stuff!"

"May I ask vhat you are havink so far?"

"Sure. Uh, there's these superheroes, right?"

"Yah"

"Da."

"Ok... and one of them is named Sliceman...he's got these knives that he throws. Or something."

"Ooh, SLICEMAN! I like it! You're, like, totally good at this, Bobby!"

"Thanks. Took me two days to come up with that one."

"Ees dhat all?"

"So far. It's really hard work coming up with superheroes. I don't know where some of these people get all their ideas from. It's like they're surrounded by the beautiful fragrance of influence."

"Wow, Bobby. That was, like, poetic."

As soon as the words were uttered, Nightcrawler teleported into the room, the harsh sulfur-like aroma wafting through the air.

"Guten Tag, Meine freunden! Wie Geht's?"

"Hi, Kurt. Bobby's totally trying to write a comic book."

"Ja? Mein Gott, Ich liebe comic books!"

"Um, breakfast was three hours ago."

"Nein, du hast mich nicht verstandet. Ich habe gesagt das Ich finde dieser Bucher ganz toll!"

"You mean cookies? I don't think we have cookies."

"Ach! Bist du ganz veruckt?!"

With those parting words, he teleported out of the room.

"Like, what is up with him?"

"I don't know. He's foreign."

"Excuse me, Comrades, I am still standink here."

Bobby did some quick thinking."You aren't foreign, Petey. You're, uh, differently-abled."

"Ah. I see. Sorry for not understandink your talk."

"It's totally ok. Ohmygod. I so forgot. I totally have to meet Jubes to go shopping! It's like, a super-Saturday sale! She's totally going to kill me and stuff!"

Kitty ran out of the room, phasing through all of the furniture for dramatic effect. Bobby went back to his writing, and Piotr gazed absent-mindedly out of the window. Bobby was just thinking to himself that he was going to have a hard time writing a romantic couple into the book that was not only perfect, but also ill-fated, when Gambit and Rogue walked into the room. He perked up. Maybe they had an idea!

"Non, chere, all I'm saying is dat if you wear one of does body stockings, and just cut a hole in de...oh, hey bobby, pete. Di'nt see you dere."

"Hi, Gambit."

Rogue noticed Bobby's notebook.

"What's that, sugah?"

"I'm trying to write a comic book. But I have no inspiration. I can't think of any good storylines."

"Ah. What kind of a storyline are ya tryin' t' think of now?"

"I thought maybe if I got the romantic part down, the rest would follow."

"Ah see. Well, Whaddaya have so far?"

"I want it to be a relationship that's great, everyone likes it, but for some reason, it is unable to work out the way it should."

"That's a toughie. Wow. Ah can't really think of anything that would work there. Remy? Any ideas?"

"Remy got one idea, chere..." He said, inching closer to her and putting his hands around her waist.

"Remy!"

"Oui?"

"Stop that. Ya wanna end up in a coma?"

"Mebbe it's worth it, non?

Bobby was getting tired of their bickering. They weren't helping his writer's block at all, just being loud. Besides, it was always the same thing with them. They were in love. They couldn't touch. Blah, blah, blah.

"Guys, if you're going to do that, would you leave? I'm trying to write."

He turned back to his notebook as they left the room. Ok, maybe the love part could wait. On to the battle scenes. As he was scribbling his ideas into the notebook, Professor Xavier called him telepathically.

"All X-Men assemble, we have a situation."

He slammed the book closed.

"DAMN! And I was just starting to get this thing going!"

He picked the book up and took it with him. Fifteen minutes later, he was in the blackbird with the rest of the team. He had taken the seat in the back of the jet, and was writing as fast as he could. Nightcrawler was seated in front of him, muttering in German, Kitty and Jubilee were pouting because their shopping trip had been cancelled, Scott and Jean were sucking face near the front of the jet, Rogue and Gambit were staring at the two of them, Gambit occasionally charging up a card and flicking it towards them. Storm was piloting, with the Professor seated next to her. Wolverine was sitting in the front seat, picking his nose with his adamantium claws and sniffing the air. Pete was trying his best to color within the lines in his "Spiderman" coloring book. He frustratingly broke a crayon and tossed it on the ever growing pile of broken crayons in the seat next to him. Bobby looked up from his work and shouted.

"Aha! I am a genius!"

Everyone turned to look at him, trying to figure out why the outburst had occurred. Even Scott and Jean shifted slightly in their seat so that they could see him. Storm swiveled in her chair to face him.

"And why is that, Child?"

"I figured out the characters for my book! There's Slice man. He has knives. Then. there's Super J, with the power of super-ventriloquism. His little brother, Victor Hawk, has the power of mimicry. Then there's Brenda Bustoria and her amazing elastic boobs."

The looks of astonishment on his teammates faces made him smile.

"Bet you didn't know I could write like that, huh?"

"Goddess...", Storm exhaled. "That was incredible."

"Remy has a question."

"Yeah?"

"Who gonna draw dis for you?"

"I don't know yet. I'll have to decide later. You guys want to work on the story with me?"

They all agreed that they would, with the exception of Wolverine, who had taken to slicing off his fingers and watching them regenerate. Bobby watched him and then turned back to the group, who had arranged themselves in a big circle on the floor of the jet.

"So... what are some things that superheroes would do? Like, things that aren't you know, normal."

Everyone was stumped. Nightcrawler scratched his head with the point of his tail, Pete examined a crayon carefully before putting it in his mouth to see what it tasted like. Scott and Jean continued to make out. Gambit stood up and lit a cigarette. Rogue made her "thinking" face, but was really staring at Gambit's ass. Jubilee was shooting sparks up into the air, and Kitty phased halfway through the bottom of the plane, so that she could fly through the clouds. The professor spoke.

"Robert, perhaps you are going the wrong way with this 'superhero' idea. It's impossible to answer that question."

Jean suddenly looked up, smiling.

"I have an idea!" As her grin widened, her eyes turned orange and seconds later, she burst into flames. Scott grabbed the fire extinguisher.

"Not again!"

The event erased any ideas that any of them might have had. All that they could think about was how Jean had spontaneously combusted. And how it happened so often. Scott was upset. For about five minutes. Then he realized that he had his cell phone with him, and he called Emma Frost. Rogue and Gambit had left the main seating area, Rogue seemingly in tears over the loss of her friend, and Gambit smiling wickedly as he rummaged in his pockets, pulling out what appeared to be an individually packaged moist towelette. Colossus had finished his coloring book and was decorating the walls of the jet with pretty flowers. Wolverine was now standing behind Bobby, breathing heavily down his back.

"Uh, Logan?"

"What do you want, bub?"

"Why are you doing that?"

"Have you ever watched a man die?"

"Um, yeah, actually."

"Seen the life escape from him?"

"Yes."

"Seen his very soul leave his body?"

"I guess... where are you going with this?"

"You got any beer?"

"What? No..."

Logan grunted and walked back to his seat. Jubilee quickly sat down beside him and swung her legs up onto his lap.

"Hey, babe."

He looked around nervously.

"Jubilee... what are you doing?"

"You just looked so hot, I had to come over here and throw myself at you."

"Can't you wait until tonight? I don't know that what we're doing is legal... and I'd rather not tell the world."

"Sure thing, sexpot."

She swung down from the position she was in and took the seat behind him, where she whispered to him for the rest of the flight. As they neared the battle site, Storm made an announcement over the intercom.

"Three minutes until we land. Everyone prepare for re-entry."

A whooshing noise told Bobby that the door to the rear compartment of the jet had been opened. He turned to see Rogue stumble out, adjusting her jacket, with a goofy smile on her face.

"Gambit's a bit passed out, ah strapped him to th' table, though... he should be ok in a couple of minutes."

The plane landed, and the team walked off, Bobby still carrying his notebook, Rogue carrying Gambit, and Pete carrying a small bag full of the broken crayons. After throwing the crayons into a nearby river, they continued towards the site where the disturbance had been. They reached the spot and waited. Soon, the brotherhood showed up, Mystique in the lead. Rogue and Nightcrawler rushed up to her.

"Mutter!"

"Momma!"

"Uh... hi. How's it going?"

"Sehr Gut, sehr gut. Ich—"

"You didn't send a Christmas card, Raven."

"I forgot. I was busy, taking over the world and whatnot."

"Oh, Ah can excuse it this once. How's Irene?"

Xavier cleared his throat loudly and they looked at him, then realized what the problem was. As they retreated back to their separate teams, the fighting began. Bobby was trying his best to freeze toad's tongue, when it hit him.

"STOP! EVERYONE STOP!"

They did. He turned to Mystique and started to talk.

"I'm trying to write a story. About superheroes. But the thing is, I can't think of any good ideas. Do you have any?"

Mystique looked at the X-men, standing about in their brightly colored spandex. She blinked and asked Bobby incredulously, "You're kidding, right?"

"No, I'm not. I know it's strange, crossing lines like this, but I'd really like to write it. If you have any ideas at all, please, I'd like to know them."

Mystique stared at him for a good five minutes before turning to her team and announcing, "Let's leave, boys. I don't want this imbecile's stupidity to wear off on you."

The brotherhood retreated and Bobby threw his notebook down. As he stalked back to the jet angrily, Storm picked it up. They all rode back to the mansion in silence. Gambit apparently wasn't feeling so good, so he stayed in the back room with Rogue. Kitty fell asleep and accidentally phased through the back of her seat onto Colossus' lap. Bobby pouted the whole trip, and Scott talked to Emma Frost nonstop.

Later that night, Bobby sat in his room, holding his Journal. He wrote in it, as he always did.

_Dear diary, tried to write a story today, but I couldn't think of anything that was at all superhero-ish. It got me so frustrated that I was close to icing up the entire room to prevent any distractions. If it wasn't Nightcrawler teleporting in, it was Kitty phasing through. And on top of it all, Jean died again. I guess that I'm just not cut out for writing comic books. Oh, well. Love always, Bobby._

He tucked it under his mattress, saying goodnight to the orange kitten on the front, and pulled out his battle logs from under his bed. He had been keeping them since he joined the team, detailed descriptions as well as illustrations. He sank back in his bed, as he re-read their adventures from the previous year. He fell asleep with a smile.

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A/N: A HUUUUUUGE thanks to all the good people at who helped me get this chapter out, especially to the x-mfn for putting up with my incessant babbling and answering questions that they don't really give a rat's ass about. It means a lot, guys. Thanks too to Specter (aka Morph) for coming up with this idea! And everyone who hasn't seen this site, go there. It's the best. 


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